asked by Anonymous
don’t ever be sorry for reaching out for help, or guidance. you sound exactly like me, and your ex-boyfriend sounds exactly like mine. at 260lbs, i definitely can relate to your situation and feelings. honestly, i have never felt worthy of love or praise, and am still struggling with my own self-worth after leaving my last extremely abusive relationship.
what i can tell you is that things like loving yourself, all of you, is an uphill battle. it isn’t just one day you wake up and decide “no more”. it’s one day you look at yourself for a long long time and you take in all the things you think are ugly and worthless, and you force yourself to accept that this is what you’re working with right now. it can change, because you can change it, but right now you have to be in it and look at it and work with it.
what i’ve started to do recently is buy cheap clothes in styles i would have never worn two years ago. i wear them alone and take pictures and do my makeup and listen to music and feel beautiful alone. it really helps to boost your confidence when you go out into the world! you have to love you first, at any size. fight for it. i love you.
edit: also, your ex bf is a piece of shit. other women, especially skinny white ones, are not your competition. you don’t have to look like them to be beautiful. their beauty will never outshine your own. ever. never.
I no longer force things. what flows flows, what crashes, crashes. I only have space and energy for things that are meant for me.
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There should be laundromats attached to gyms so people can work out while they get their laundry done.